Dear Daddy,
I'd rather be in Paris. I'd rather be in a prettier place than I am now. Now I am hungry, lost, anxious, confused, and drained. I also don't feel qualified for the work you sent me to do. Compared to the other girls, I don't think I have what it takes. I know these are insecurities of mine. However, there is a part of me that is begging you to pay attention.
Care that I am annoyed right now.
Care that I am confused right now.
Care that I am uncomfortable right now.
Care that I am embarrassed right now.
Can't you see how upset I am at where you placed me? I don't like this place. This place where you are calling me to change and where you are forcing me out of my comfort space. I chose you no matter what, but I surely did not choose this way. I chose you no matter what, but I did not choose this stage. I don't like the timelines, the deadlines, the rearrangements, and absence of my own agenda. I thought we were going to do things my way. Why does yours have to be so hard?
I am upset and I am annoyed and to be honest, I am yet not over it. This is simply discomforting for me to deal with. Yet, in your genius you uncovered the issue deeper within:
I'm scared.
I am truly terrified in this place.
I'm scared because I don't want to be vulnerable.
I'm scared because I don't want to be rejected.
I'm scared because I don't be to be perceived as annoying.
I'm scared because of who I can really become as a result of this.
I'm scared because I've lost about 99% of my sense of control.
It's on you now, Lord. You hold my destiny in your hands. I plow the land, you reap the harvest. I'm scared because I need you so much more than I did yesterday. I need you to wipe my boo-boos when I fall and I need you to kiss me to sleep when I'm sad. I'm scared because I've entered into an all-access open battlefield where I am vulnerable to any type of verbal shots. I could be hit with a denial, let down, or pushback at any point in this game.
But what's an arrow by day and a threat at night to an Almighty God ruling over the heavens and earth? Though I am weak, you are strong. Though I am vulnerable, you are secure. Though I am insecure, you are firm.
I thank you God that you are God and you are more than I can ever need to feel protected, safe, and stable in this space.
I also thank you that I am here right now, even though it's hard. I know you will use it for your glory one day. I just ask that you help me continue to see your heavenly perspective on my day-to-day realities.
Finally, I thank you that you do care. You care so much. And I am ever so grateful that I was on your mind since the beginning of time.
Love,
Stephanie
