Dear True Love,
You are so jealous for me, I cannot muster the courage to face you. I felt you tonight, deep within my spirit in my earnest prayer. I felt your spirit moving within me and a love so gentle, I wanted to run from it. I wanted to hide my face. I was so ashamed to for you to see what I became. I wasn't the little girl you knew before because I grew up and prostituted my temple to the will of others. I wanted to hide from myself because I could not bear the dishonesty in living like a saint. I omitted the truth from you and me.
My heart started beating faster when you wrapped your arms around me. I became fearful. I had been long running to others to fill my needs and corrects my insecurities that you became unknown territory. I was upset when I did it, ran to others for love and attention, because I figured I shouldn't have been yearning for those things in the first place. But in that moment, I realized the truth.
I need someone to hold me.
I need someone to love me.
I need someone to fix me.
I need someone to see me.
I need someone who pays me mind.
I need someone to heal me.
So was I wrong to look for someone to fill these natural human needs? No. I was just wrong by thinking any regular person could serve this role. It's okay to run to someone, but it needs to be the right someone. It needs to be you. You want to hold me so hard, I remember the lasting comfort in your embrace. You want to love me so much, I don't need the affection of anyone else. You want to fix me so bad, I can't remember how I was broken. You want to see me so hard, I no longer know what it means to be intimate. You want to pay me all your mind that I forget how it feels like to be invisible. I want you to heal me so hard that I lose the cripple of imperfection.
You want me and now, I want you.
You are my true love and I belong to you.
Love,
Stephanie
