Dear Someone Who Can Relate,
When you find yourself once again in a similar situation that caused you hurt in the past, after a while, you cannot help but ask, so what's the (my) problem? I found myself yet again heartbroken from a person I thought I could trust but this time the pain was vicious. My heart was like an infected gash, an open wound unwilling to heal. How could I move past this? I had loved this person and he had loved me. I could call him up at any hour and knew he would be there for me. I played his damsel in distress and he rode like a black knight. He wasn't perfect. We had our highs and lows, but I knew his relationship was one that would last. I could be myself with him, a person few really ever get to see. He would've been the godfather to my child if not the groom at my wedding. Clearly, I was ahead of myself but it happens.
Well, he betrayed me. It was worse than anything he's done before so I cut him off. I didn't think he even deserved my friendship anymore. I've been trying to get over it but I need to do it the right way. I can't sit and ignore it, I need to deal with it. I need to make myself emotionally available to be healed. I need to stop worrying about the fact that he's not worrying about me and start helping myself out of this and start worrying about me. I need to think about me. I need to love myself out of this. Thus, I pray this prayer with the ever longing attempt to take what pains me and pray for the opposite:
- I can't stand one who refuses to fight. Lord, send me a man who will fight for our love.
- I struggled with one who lied. Lord, send me a man who will shower me with truth.
- I dealt with one who flaked. Lord, send me a man who knows what he wants.
- I can't stand one who is childish. Lord, send me a man who will be spiritually grown.
- I struggled with with one who over-dominated. Lord, send me a man who can be my match.
- I dealt with one who lacks interest. Lord, send me a man who wants to know my every detail.
- I can't stand one who forgets. Lord, send me a man who loves to remember.
- I struggled with one who was selfish. Lord, send me a man who willing to give.
- Finally, I dealt with one who stressed. Lord, send me a man who brings me your joy.
Instead of focusing on what I can't stand and struggled with, I'm praying myself through what I do want, can stand, and would love to deal with. I'm going to heal myself with light, not the shadows of my past.
Love,
Stephanie
