Dear Me,
Lately, I've been okay. I've been more than okay, I've been transforming. I am now a recent graduate from my alma mater of Spelman College and will be attending the illustrious Boston University School of Medicine for a graduate master's. Today, marks two weeks since my matriculation out of Spelman.
I am no longer the same.
In this time, I have been growing intimately with God. I've made conscious efforts to seek Him because I actually desired it. Pleasing my natural needs no longer felt good to me anymore. I didn't want to drink and I didn't want to be un-pure. I messed up twice. My failures solidified my growing desire to honor God with my life. That's when I knew something in me had shifted.
I continue to shift. I'm beginning to surround myself with His presence. I look forward to church. I keep up with bible study. I wake up each day with a commitment to surrender my time to Him. A part of me can't help it. I desire to be all that He created me to be and this semester has shown me that I cannot be great without Him.
Lately, He's even even changing these desires. He reminds me that it is less about me being great and more about serving Him for His glory. More importantly, He is equipping me to save broken and hurting lives. He wants us all to go to heaven, not just me.
I asked God three questions:
- Who are you to me?
- What does it mean to be happy?
- How should I praise you?
I'm already thanking him for showing me these answers. That's one thing he did teach me: praise. He told me to sing from my heart and thank him more than I ask for things. It has been changing my perspective and making me more confident in Him.
This woman stalked me today at church. I guess God told her to go after me. At my exit, she stopped me to tell me something I could tell was on her heart. She said coming into this world, we are like a caged birds, batting our wings in the space we have been confined to. However, with Jesus, the top of the cage door is opened and we are able to fly out. We are able to soar with unlimited resources to be everything that God created us to be.
But sometimes I pretend like I'm still in that cage, even though the door is wide open. I'm scared to fly out of my comfort zone. I'm scared to be free and truly experience what's out there under my name. I guess that's what I needed to see today. I needed to see myself enslaved to a cage refusing to believe that I could takle anything in this world with Jesus at my side.
I see it now. I want to break free.
Love,
Stephanie
