Dear the One Who Ran Away,
This will probably be one of the realest messages I will ever post because as of right now, I don't want to continue to carry seven months worth of baggage between us. It's taking me so long to write this because I'm trying to understand each sensation that ripples through me. I feel sad, upset, disappointed, angry, guilty, resentful, hurt, and more intensely, pain. It's no longer right between us because we never even talked about where things went wrong. We just act like everything is okay, but every time I am around you I am reminded of the things I was too afraid to say and the feelings I tried to cover. Why are we acting like everything is how its supposed to be? Why are we acting like this doesn't hurt?
You came into my life because I chose you. I wanted you to have a place. I shared my life with you and we pushed each other towards our dreams. I always believed in you, and I trusted you did the same for me. We went through crap, dealing with boys, messing with grades, trying to make the cut, and finding out who were were as women. We went through that crap together. I haven't known you for half my life, but the year and a half I did we grew to become sisters. But now we can't even communicate like friends.
I don't know why you feel this way towards me, and I don't know why I feel this way towards you. I feel sad because I care about this relationship. I feel upset because I lost a connection and fluidity of trust. I feel disappointed because we were supposed to talk this out like regular friends. I feel angry because I felt like you never appreciated me in your life. I feel resentful because I gave so much and felt like it all went to waste. I feel hurt because you never gave me time to express how I felt and I feel pain because this hurts so much I can't even stand to continue writing.
I'm sick of this. I'm tired of pretending and hiding the truth. We think things in our mind but we don't say it. We grow apart and allow it. We make mistakes and don't own up to it. We play the game but don't finish it. Well, I'm done but if I have to fight for you, I will. I don't know how your other friendships went and I don't know if you realize how you push people away, but if I have to put up with this for a possible happy ending, that's what I will do. Why? I don't want to see you fall. I don't want to see you unhappy. I don't want to see you struggle with hurt and forgiveness. I don't want to see you regret and I'm not the type to give up on someone that I truly love, despite it all.
Maybe I'm wrong about you. Maybe you're happier without this in your life. Maybe my perception is flawed, but at this point, I don't know and little do I care. I would rather try to reach out to you in my distortion than sit in my ignorance. I refuse to simply let this go.
Take it or leave it because I am not going to change.
Love,
Stephanie
Courtesy of We Heart It
