Dear You,
I need to get this off my chest. I need to confide it, yet I somehow want to say this out loud. I know I am being dramatic but if you could follow the train of my emotions maybe you would act similar. I just feel so accountable to everyone and no one at the same time. I'm frazzled.
I'm frazzled because I am now a published author who's afraid to go out into the real world with my art. I'm frazzled because I'm not ready to be a big girl now. I'm frazzled because I am embarrassed at some of my escaping imperfections. The book isn't perfect. As hard as I tried, I forgot some things, missed some things, and disorganized some things. It's almost shameful if I let myself think about it so hard. Now, these mistakes are not numerous but as the designer of this piece they look huge in my eyes.
The moment I saw the books plain view, I leaped for joy. I couldn't believe it had happened. It seemed but a dream when I was trying to get people to pay attention to it. I'm humbled by its sight. But my lighthearted joy was cast down by the anxiety from the mistakes I made in the book. I couldn't believe I had missed those little, silly things. As I sit here and seethe in agony, God steps in and shines a light into my path through my spirit, my friends, and my revelations.
One thing that He's been teaching me is just how imperfect I am. I am incredibly flawed. I'm messed up. I have issues. I'm a baby at times and I can't seem to make simple decisions. Yet, He chose ME! He picked me to be His. He called my name. He whispered my way. I am far from perfect and yet He sought me. If I am not so, why do I pressure myself to make everything just that? God showed me the beauty in our imperfections. Our weaknesses is where He can step in and minister. He can step in and overshadow our faults so that no man can boast. He wants to. He desires it. God wants us to need Him.
So the end of my anxiety attack over a "flawed" book which is not too messy at all, God taught me it didn't even matter because it would not take away from the message He sought to deliver to my readers. He also taught me to be thankful and proud at what HE empowered me to do. He helped me through this. God is USED to people not making the mark yet He USES them anyway. God sends us to do His will knowing we are to rely on HIS perfection, not ours. And that is what I hope I did. I hope I relied in His strength and wrote in His grace. Furthermore, I know He is taking the unfinished work of mine and adding His own finishing pieces to bring HIM glory, not me. I am evermore grateful to His love and majesty. There is none like Him.
So enjoy the book and get ready to receive something. God has His hands all over it.
From Spelmanites to You
Love,
Stephanie
Stephanie
