Dear Daddy,
I want you to pay attention to me. I am not talking about answering when I call, keeping me from making the wrong turn, or telling me you love me every once in a while. I am talking about wanting to feel the affection and adoration you have for me every waking moment. I want to feel that now. I'm a thirst trap wanting to be set off by your brilliant and satisfying love.
Of course, I know you've been taking care of me along the way. You gave me free meals, success on my assignments, and peace in the midst of adversity. Yet, Daddy I want more. I want to feel your gaze on my heart and the embrace of your warmth. I really just want you to stop showing up in everyone else so I can keep you all for myself. I am jealous for you. Is this how you really feel about me too?
It's amusing how in the very moments that God shows the mastery of His working Hand in my life I am insatiably desiring more of Him. Lord, I know you just paid my bill. Lord, I see that you helped my pass my test. Father, I appreciate that you gave me the words to say in that difficult circumstance. I see how much He has provided, guided, corrected, and enriched my path. Yet, I want more of Him and from Him. I want things I haven't yet seen before and I don't want to be afraid to ask for it.
I asked my Daddy tonight and not to my surprise, He answered me with a simple conclusion I could not have reached on my own. Daddy said, "I express my deep love for you through the people in your life." It hit me then. It all made sense. I receive a bountiful amount of love from the people in my life because God knew it would be the best way I would feel His love, even the moments I would think to question it. Daddy knows I need to be appreciated, encouraged, and affirmed through the words of others. He knew that giving people the heart to love me would be one of His sweets declarations of His love for me.
I see now that I have so much more from God than I bargained for:
- I felt His love when 217 people (most of them people I knew) donated to my book's fundraiser because they believed in me.
- I felt His love when 19 of my friends and family traveled across the country to see me perform in a pageant that had no guarantee I would even win.
- I felt His love when at least 10 people volunteered to attend my next pageant and hour away simply because they wanted to support me.
- I felt His love when at least 5 random acquaintances texted me just to tell me how phenomenal, inspirational, and beautiful I was to them.
- I felt His love when 2 prestigious pageant women personally volunteered to couch me in my next pageant, free of charge.
- And I felt His love when He, the 1 true God manifested His way through the words and affections of even more people in my daily interactions. I could go on forever of all the love I've received this month alone...
Daddy, I am left no choice but to feel admired, loved, adored, and appreciated. You delivered yourself even before I could ask. Your great kindness leads me to humble thanksgiving and gratitude.
Thank you Daddy. You are so good.
You love me in my own way.
Love,
Stephanie
