Dear My Future Husband,
I should always feel like I can talk to you, especially when it's about feelings I am not proud of. I was reluctant to tell you because I was embarrassed. You are going to read about it anyway. The enemy tries to make me think that as a Christ-lover, I have to be perfect. His lies make me believe that I have to have it all together and that I can never have moments of weaknesses. That is the biggest set of boloney I've heard. What kills me is that I let it formulate truth into my thoughts over God's word.
Not today. I won't hide my personal setbacks because of the idea that I'm not supposed to have them. If I was perfect, what was the purpose of Christ giving up His life for me? He knows I'm going to fall at times which is why He is already there to catch me. So, here goes, my funky stench:
There are eight days left in my campaign and my state of performance has been threatened. I found myself thinking, Honestly, I don't care anymore. If I don't get the money, I'll be happy to finally get a break. Yes, I thought that. I am so mentally, emotionally, and physically tired from this work God has personally told me to do that my human flesh is telling me to give up. It is looking for an easy way out. It's trying to stop spreading the word, stop asking for donations, stop walking up to strangers, stop writing about it, stop talking about, stop making flyers, stop creating media, stop doing everything related to this project so I can walk away from my heavy exhaustion and constant on call duties.
Spending hours of full faith at time to promote this dream is a concept that I am finally exploring the full definition to. As a student, I get things quick. I don't need to use countless hours studying materials like some of my peers because I have a great memory and understanding foreign information is almost second nature. I've pursed many dreams, but this is the very first big one where I have completely handed the reigns in His hands. This is the first one where I've had to devote more than just time and energy. My heart, mind, body, and soul is heavily involved, more than usual.
I just need to have incredible faith, or, one as small as a mustard seed. The yoke is supposed to be light, so why am I complaining? I asked myself this and my answer was to go to God through my daily devotionals. He has become my first source for everything now. He answered me in six different ways:
- Be thankful in ALL circumstances, always.
- Pray about everything. Yes, even that that I think is unimportant & silly. It matters to Him.
- Do not stop praying. Persistence builds character, faith, & hope.
- Stop beating myself up for everything I do wrong. Just repent and ask Him to heal my wounds.
- Love harder. This includes even the strangers I pass by.
- DO NOT QUIT. Don't give up. The rewards are closer than I think.
I don't know about you hubby, but that was enough to set me straight. So I keep calm and carry on. It's always worth it with Jesus.
Love,
