Dear I AM,
I don't know if I even asked for you full forgiveness for my willingness in succumbing to that spiritual attack. My heart is saddened. I told myself I was lazy and dumb. I said that I didn't get things done. I had this whole "Christian" thing wrong because as I'm waiting for God to guide me, nothing was happening and it was obviously my fault. I even blamed myself for a missed student discounted subway card deadline though I had no idea it was an option.
I believed that I didn't know what to do at any moment. It was my fault that I believed I couldn't hear Him directly like others claimed. Clearly, God was perfect so the problems that soon became mountains at the moment were the cause of my inability to take control. I needed to take back control of my life. I needed back my full control because I was the one who had my life in chaos.
This morning I woke up and felt like what we had was severed. The devil had done his duty on me. He stole my faith, killed my trust, and destroyed my spirit. Now, I feel so disconnected to You. I feel numb. I am astounded. I really believed that about myself about situations God promised He would take care of already.
But then You put me in remembrance of Your unfailing love and forgiveness. I remembered how I felt Your strong presence the moment I thought my first negative lie. I remembered how you comforted me and told me the truth. I thought about how you fought for me in the end of the attack. You reminded me that I had too many great things happening in my life to cry over something outside my control in the first place. You filled me with healing. I reached my breaking point. I was done with the enemy's persistent attack on my soul.
You never left my side and You confirmed it in Your word:
"Let all that I am praise the Lord;
may I never forget the good things he does for me.
He forgives all my sins
and heals all my diseases.
He redeems me from death
and crowns me with love and tender mercies.
He fills my life with good things...
The Lord is compassionate and merciful,
slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.
He will not constantly accuse us,
nor remain angry forever.
He does not punish us for all our sins;
he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.
For his unfailing love toward those who fear him
is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.
He has removed our sins as far from us
as the east is from the west.
The Lord is like a father to his children,
tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
For he knows how weak we are;
he remembers we are only dust."
Excepts from Psalms 103
I have no reason to be down. You are actually grieved when I am. All if forgiven, all is washed away. I am still made brand new.
Love,
Stephanie
