Dear My Future Husband,
Get me tell you my secrets, which are the thoughts I would never say out loud. A friend just asked me if I censored myself when I write. In a way, I do because I don't want everything in my mind to be too exposed. Yet, lately I've been feeling some type of extra restriction. I feel as if no one really wants to know what's bouncing around in my head or else they would have sought it out. At the same time, I think somewhere along the way I picked up the fear of rejection. What if they don't like what I have to say? More so, what if I don't like what I have to say? I can be my worst critic.
I'm so quiet, often times withdrawn. It's hard for me to share what I'm thinking especially when its an unfinished thought. Sometimes, I'm scared to simply show people what I really think and how I really feel. As strong as I seem, I still don't like to be judged. I don't like people thinking I'm something that I wouldn't want them to think of me, even if it's true. But as resistant as I am to express myself, I hurt when I can't. I need to tell you why I didn't like the way you just looked at me crazy and why it hurts when you don't call me back. I need to tell you how I love when you tickle me and when I appreciate you sharing your food with me. I need to tell you my doubts and my worries, my hopes and certainties. I struggle to talk to others, but if I can't talk to you, what are we really doing?
So make me feel like you want to know everything. Make me feel safe to share my intermost desires and feelings. I'm sensitive to negligence and repellent to artificiality. Love me the most by encouraging me to open up. I want to tell you more than everything I can.
Love,
