stop the noise... |letter #11|

Dear the Me in Search of Peace & Serenity, 

Courtesy of Kr. B.

Stop the noise. 

Turn off the television.

Pause the playlist.  

Silence the phone.  

Shut down the computer. 

Find your quiet place.

Eliminate negative thoughts. 

Observe the beauty of nature.

Listen to the silent sounds.

And just Breathe.

Love, Stephanie


Courtesy of Alyssa L. Miller

as we take seperate paths... |letter #10|

Dear Sister,

I'm not going to want to remember the day you leave in a couple of days. Instead, my innocent and naive mind wants to reflect on the past filled with pleasant and giddy memories.  I remember it was eighth grade when you refused to be my friend because you thought I was too "white" for a black girl.  Our very first conversation that year became the last one that year.  I remember our first sleepover after driving down from Georgia with your parents.  I was shocked that you had even let me in that sacred room of yours.  I like to think about the time I broke every speed limit across town trying to get you home before curfew.  Dang, I didn't know how need for speed i could get.  I remember when you tried to record a solo piece after Maxwell's "Pretty Wings." I never laughed so hard at you in my life. Remember when we both were in love at the same time? Those guys were the very reason why become friends in the first place. We were hopeless romantics.  We wrote love letters to them, dreamed about them, and wrote about them.  Too bad, we still love those idiots.

(Courtesy of whatshesaid_)

I don't know how to feel about you leaving school because I honestly never saw myself being here without you.  Here we are, sisters on this journey together, and then you hit me with the dreading words, "I'm not ever coming back here."  You aren't leaving Spelman, Atlanta, the AUC, the community, your coworkers, your peers, your friends, you are leaving me. 

(Courtesy of dw1Fly/ Theddy Magpayo)

I realize now how much I depended on you to live here.  You were one of the reasons I laughed until I cried, made good friends, lost bad friends, took risks, pushed myself one more level, shared secrets, gained secrets, followed my heart, developed an opinion, spoke my mind, unleashed emotions, tackled stress, and learned to love myself.  I went through some of my significant moments in my life with you right by my side.  But I realize now that we both need to form into a greater us without each other.  This is our time to grow together, but apart.

(Courtesy of h.koppdelaney)

I promised myself I wouldn't cry when you left, but that's impossible because I'm crying now. I'll stop being selfish now.  I'm acting like I'm not gonna call you every free hour I have to tell you stupid stuff like I just cleaned my room for the fifth time that day or I stood behind that one girl we laugh at with the annoying face in the cafeteria again.  I mean, come on, people invented Skype for a reason.

(Courtesy of maureen lunn)

There so much that I want to say, but I find my mind blank.  I am simply left with the raw emotions of it all.  I leave these as my parting words.  I know you will go on to do great things with your life. That's undeniable. You are beautiful whether your stubborn brain wants to accept it or not.  Listen to your mom, she loves you too much.  Don't give up on love cause one guy screwed it up.  Be honest with yourself.  Embrace your intelligence. Love the life you have been blessed with.  Stop putting up a front and let people see your true colors.  Promise me you'll be successful.  Promise me you'll never change.  Find God and yourself. Fight for your dreams.  Finally, don't forget why your are the best sister a girl like me would ever dream about. 

<3<3<3

Love, 
Stephanie

if you can abide by this list, i'll love you forever... |letter #9|

Dear My Future Husband,

• Accept me for everything that I am. Embrace the silly, the perfectionism, the paranoia, the wisdom, the patience, the creativity, the randomness, the seriousness, and the passion.

• Love God. It's important to me that you believe in the Lord I believe in so we can build a family together and encourage each other in our faiths. 

• Love my family and love kids. You need to be someone I can share the joys of my family times with and someone gentle and patient enough to care for a child.

• Don't ever make me feel like you're not really listening to me.  I want to know that you care enough to hear my thoughts.

• Promise me you won't be with me until you are truly ready for a committed relationship. I have to know that you are completely serious about me.

• Turn your dreams into reality. I want to know that you are a man of action not of words.  

• Tell me you love me, when your ready to prove it to me. Those simple words mean the world to me and I am a hard critic. 

• Make me feel like I'm the prettiest girl in the world. With you, I want to feel like I wouldn't ever want to change anything about my appearance because you love it just the way it is. 

• Don't be afraid to dig deep. I want to share everything with you, but I just want you to want to know every secret. 

• Don't be selfish. I will not allow my selfless nature compensate for a selfish one.  Give as much as I give you.

• Hold me when I'm upset.  I want to be embraced the by strong arms of the man I love when I'm down. 

• Whisper sweet nothings in my ear when we are alone. I want to be buried in your romance.

• Love and respect your mother despite it all.  I will be judging you on how you treat her.

• Take care of your mind, body, heart, and soul.  A healthy man will be a successful man. 

• Tell me things you've never told anyone before. Express your feelings with me.  Make me feel like I'm the only girl in your world.

 

 (Courtesy of *sean)

(Courtesy of michi003)

(Courtesy of Candida.Performa)

(Courtesy of juliejigsaw) 


(Courtesy of kristina sohappy)


Love, 
Stephanie

everything and nothing at the same time... |letter #8|

Dear Me, 

I've been contemplating what I've been wanting to say all day

But as I stare at the screen my mind seems blank

As if all thoughts never existed

As if they just simply sank

But eventually It'll come to me, I guess that how I live my life

Wishing and hoping

Maybe a just roll of a dice

I'm always trying to do the right thing

What's expected of me

Little Stephie, always the girl you ought to be
But in the strive to be perfect have a I failed to see

What's really me and what's make believe

Now I'm not saying I'm an image of illusion

I'm saying I have not seen my conclusion...
I'm young with potential with so much to learn

  Along life to live 

It's finally my turn

Maybe I see myself as clay
Molded from my experiences

Molding now into my own doorway
Of dreams...
Of passions...
Of thoughts...
Of emotions...

I guess of me

That's all I could ever be

And fortunately

That's more than enough

Love, 
Stephanie

sometimes, this is how i feel inside... |letter #7|

Dear the Boy I Love,

An Angry Letter to You...

 At first...
-you said that there was going to be a "we"
-you said that I was perfect
-you said that you have always loved me
-you said that we can only connect
-you said you would never hurt me
-you said those girls meant nothing
-you said you cared about my feelings
-you said you meant what you said
-you said you were being honest


(Courtesy of Jesse Kruger)

But Ultimately...
-you have been with countless girls
-you did not see me appropriate then
-you have always loved your own desires
-you have connected with many girlfriends
-you have watched me hurt for four years
-you have put these girls feelings before mine
-you have put your feelings before mine
-you have been selfish
-you have been dishonest


At first...
-you want to marry me
-you want to preserve me
-you want to prize me
-you want to claim me
-you want to hold me down
-you want to believe I wont ever leave


But Ultimately...
-you want your time
-you want your ladies
-you want your fun
-you want no commitment
-you want no relationship
-you want me when you want
-you want me to wait


At first...
-I thought you were just protecting me
-I thought you were going to change
-I thought you would come after me
-I thought you would love me
-I thought you were the one
-I thought you would commit


(Courtesy of Ashley R. Good)

But Ultimately...
-you were just hurting me
-you were just hiding your ways
-you were just messing with other girls
-you were just loving yourself
-you were not the one
-you were committing to other chicks


And Ultimately...
-what kills me is, is that you could let me go
-what kills me is, you wont fight to be with me
-what kills me is, you wont tell me the truth
-what kills me is, you wont show me your true colors
-what kills me is, you took the chance of losing me
-what kills me is, I went back to you
-what kills me is, you dont appreciate me
-what kills me is, you keep me in the shadows
-what kills me is, you still hold on to past loves
-what kills me is, you cant commit to me
-what kills me is, your actions tell the truth
-what kills me is, that I wasted four years on you


Because Ultimately...
-you were never there when I cried
-you were never there when I achieved
-you were never there when I failed
-you were never there when I flew
-you are dumb when it comes to me
-you are selfish when it comes to me
-you are mean when it comes to me
-you are hurtful when it comes to me
-you are heartless when it comes to me


 
(Courtesy of Tom Martin)


So Ultimately...
this is for you

Love, 
Stephanie

i wish now was then when it comes to you... |letter #6|

Dear Me, 

I told myself I wouldn't let myself get to this point.  But slowly the emotions and mind whispers are creeping in like thieves in the night. I can't help but reflect on what could have been; the hopeful words that left me dreaming, the happiness that waited to bleed, and the experience of what it seemed to be a fairytale. How would things have been different had I said yes?  Or maybe things would not have been as beautiful as I thought they would be.  I guess I will never know.

What do you do when a guy makes you feel extremely exotic, beautiful, and understood but you know that you shouldn't even be entertaining the thought of him? People would be hurt, ties would be broken, and betrayals would be made if motions took place. It's a conscious war between my mind and my heart that I'm battling with.  My mind is the rational one whom in the past I've always chosen.  Unfortunately, it never led me to happiness like I think my heart would have led me to.  I wish I took advantage of the past and had dated him when I had a chance.  Now, it's too late. So, there's nothing to left to say.

                                                            

Love, 
Stephanie


 (Courtesy of Neal Fowler)

a confession... |letter #5|

Dear My Future Husband,

I think I have a problem.  I don't really open up much.  I lied. Apparently I don't open up at all. It's hard for me to share my most intimate thoughts, emotions, and ideas.  Obviously you must know this already if we have gone this far in our relationships  Maybe you get frustrated with me.  I don't mean to be hard to read, I just don't know to open the book.  But I've been working on it.  I honestly do want people to see the true me, not what they think they see.

Today was different though.  I hung out with my guy friend who made it so easy for me to talk about anything on my mind at the moment.  Everything felt so natural and safe for me to just be me.  I told him how much I missed dancing everyday like I used to 2 years ago and how I was afraid of making mistakes in my career choices.  I told him how the dreary rainy cold weather depressed me.  I told him I was lazy.  I told him I valued his friendship.

These are the types of friends that I hold on to especially. The people who make me feel like I can share anything with without being judged. Sometimes it's not even that I have a fear of rejection, but it is because I have such a love for people.  I could sit and listen to people pour their hearts out for days without feeling the need to reciprocate. It stems from my desire to understand people and ultimately help them. But I guess I shouldn't let it stop me from revealing myself either and allowing myself to be understood.

I once read a unknown quote that said, "Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down."  This describes how I feel perfectly except I put walls up unconsciously.  Now, I guess I'm just waiting to see who will be the one who will break me down. I believe many see me on a daily basis but few know what lies within.  Hopefully, you will be one of the few.


Love,
 Stephanie

(Courtesy of Gabriela Camerotti)