Dear Make-Believe,
I haven't had much to say in the last seven months.
I take that back.
Rather, it’s like I couldn't seem to formulate the right words to express to you, my audience. Sometimes, I felt like I didn't have enough of a big picture perspective or the right amount of courage to share what’s been going on. I closed myself off from writing and didn’t realize I was abandoning my means of growth. I simply didn't make the time to open up. But, finally, here I am. Ready to share.
I’ve learned so much. God has shaped me in incredible ways. Yes, that’s what was happening and I couldn’t understand it, but, looking back, I was becoming stronger with each passing day. For seven months, God was teaching me to let go of the “make-believe” me. And it’s to her that I write because for so long I was she.
See, I was trying to be someone I was not. In all that I was doing, it hadn’t dawned on me that make-believe isn’t some vision you have for yourself that simply hasn't happened, but it’s actually a false design of what you think your world should look like. It's fake, intangible, and faulty, and the problem is I was resting too comfortably in my personal realm of make-believe. I refused to believe in the real me.
The Miss America pageants changed all of that. This program forced me to start trusting God for something brand new; to believe I could win and to know that I could be a national representation of my community. I had no choice but to stop being something fake and start being something real.
Miss America taught me how to grow up. I learned how to speak up and to sometimes shout. God was using my pageant experience to make something out of me, not necessarily from scratch, but from what. I thought were broken pieces. The make-believe me.
So this piece is dedicated to that pretend picture of myself I carried around for years like a crutch. To the thoughts that said I wasn't enough. This piece is dedicated to my freedom from all the lies I chose to accept about myself. The ones that became too commonplace in my subconscious and made me feel defeated after every pageant I didn't win.
The detrimental frame of consciousness ends today. Each time I perform my spoken word, I take a stab at the false ideas I once harbored about myself. I take back the authority I have been awarded through Christ. With each performance, I say “NO” to the label, “NO” to the box, and “NO” to the copying. I know that I am good enough, more than enough, and NEVER too much. I know that I am captivating, worthy, and unique. The real me.
But the best part is not the spotlight; it’s the inspiring of others to do the same. It’s taking them on the journey with me. Thank you to the last several months. I have not only grown into a more determined and confident individual, but I have stirred others to do the same.
Love,
Stephanie
Edited by Laura, Founder & CEO of Laura's Letters
