an angry letter to you... |letter #68|

Dear Ugly,

How amusing it is to be so deceived that you no longer need to be told a lie to understand it as truth. Actually, it's not funny. It's sick. It's heartbreaking. It's deadly. It's absolutely disgusting.

Yet, it happens every day. 

• You are ugly.
• You are unworthy.
• You are hopeless.
• You will never succeed.
• You will never be someone.
• You're such a failure.
• You aren't good enough.
• You will not make it.
• You are unlovable.
• You always mess it up.

Oh, how pretty these lies are aren't they? Pretty familiar in fact. How many times have we believed these things about ourselves? How long will it take before we realize they aren't true?

I hope you can tell how angry I am even writing this. For a second, I was saying these statements to myself. I was showering myself with these words. I was blaming myself for everything that I did wrong. It was an attack of pure deception and I almost fell for its snare. 

Until I cried out to God. Until I asked for His help. Then something happened. He opened myself to the enemy's trap. He told me the truth instead. 

Because you see, the enemy tells us lies because he knows how powerful we can be if we knew the truth about ourselves. He tells us lies because he doesn't want to fight with you the rest of your life. As long as you are believing the stories he's made up about your life, he has nothing to worry about. You will NEVER tap into the power that is found in Christ. Ever. 

But under Christ, your true story comes alive. Under him:

1. You are dead to sin; alive unto righteousness. 
2. You are dead to sickness; alive unto healing.
3. You are dead to fear; alive unto courage.
4. You are dead to failure; alive unto success.
5. You are dead to lack; alive unto abundance.
6. You are dead to defeat; alive unto victory.
7. You are dead to grief; alive unto peace.
8. You are dead to sorrow; alive unto joy.
9. You are dead to guilt, shame & condemnation; alive unto forgiveness.
10. You are dead to curse; alive unto blessings.
11. You are dead to confusion; alive unto purpose. 
12. You are dead to weakness; alive unto strength.
13. You are dead to shame; alive unto glory.
14. You are dead to discouragement; alive unto encouragement.
15. You are dead to darkness; alive unto light.
16. You are dead to bondage; alive unto liberty.
17. You are dead to insecurity; alive unto confidence.
18. You are dead to pride; alive unto humility.
19. You are dead to rebellion; alive unto submission.
20. You are dead to doubt & unbelief; alive unto faith & hope. 

So carry on. Go be great and stop believing all those negative lies about yourself. Give the enemy something to cry about. You've wasted enough tears. 

Love,

Stephanie

musings from the heart... |letter #67|

Dear Me,

Lately, I've been okay. I've been more than okay, I've been transforming. I am now a recent graduate from my alma mater of Spelman College and will be attending the illustrious Boston University School of Medicine for a graduate master's. Today, marks two weeks since my matriculation out of Spelman. 

I am no longer the same. 

In this time, I have been growing intimately with God. I've made conscious efforts to seek Him because I actually desired it. Pleasing my natural needs no longer felt good to me anymore. I didn't want to drink and I didn't want to be un-pure. I messed up twice. My failures solidified my growing desire to honor God with my life. That's when I knew something in me had shifted. 

I continue to shift. I'm beginning to surround myself with His presence. I look forward to church. I keep up with bible study. I wake up each day with a commitment to surrender my time to Him. A part of me can't help it. I desire to be all that He created me to be and this semester has shown me that I cannot be great without Him. 

Lately, He's even even changing these desires. He reminds me that it is less about me being great and more about serving Him for His glory. More importantly, He is equipping me to save broken and hurting lives.  He wants us all to go to heaven, not just me.

I asked God three questions: 

1. Who are you to me?
2. What does it mean to be happy?
3. How should I praise you?

I'm already thanking him for showing me these answers. That's one thing he did teach me: praise. He told me to sing from my heart and thank him more than I ask for things. It has been changing my perspective and making me more confident in Him. 

This woman stalked me today at church. I guess God told her to go after me. At my exit, she stopped me to tell me something I could tell was on her heart. She said coming into this world, we are like a caged birds, batting our wings in the space we have been confined to. However, with Jesus, the top of the cage door is opened and we are able to fly out. We are able to soar with unlimited resources to be everything that God created us to be.

But sometimes I pretend like I'm still in that cage, even though the door is wide open. I'm scared to fly out of my comfort zone. I'm scared to be free and truly experience what's out there under my name. I guess that's what I needed to see today. I needed to see myself enslaved to a cage refusing to believe that I could takle anything in this world with Jesus at my side. 

I see it now. I want to break free.

Love,

Stephanie