for this little one... |letter #49|

Dear A Little Girl,

Teaching is not my forte, I admit it because each time I step inside that classroom I am challenged to do something so unnatural to me. It's hard enough to control myself let alone fifteen other little kids. It can take a long time for them to listen to me in the classroom for me to even start teaching them what to do. I used to get lost in the hallways when I would pick them up and then lose them in the hallways after I got them.  Some took advantage of me when I would be way to nice and others tricked me into doing things they knew I wouldn't know they were allowed to do.  Even though I struggled (for the first month), I eventually got it together, especially if this was to be my year long commitment. But that's not the reason why I continue going back. I learned to see past the kids' misbehavior and misguidance in the troubled school and I learned I cared more about the relationships I fostered with them at the end of the day. Honestly, the love I'm growing for these little kids is preparing me to love you one day, a little girl who will be my own.

My heart melts each time my students run to me with smiles on their faces. They become so happy to see me that it wipes away every thing in that day that stole a piece of my joy. Their excitement is contagious and laughter is genuine. I never have to worry about their intentions and them breaking my dreams. I am obsessed with their youth and their cute statures.  I remember what it was like to be a little girl  again as I bring myself to their place. I am reminded about how carefree and joyful life can really be, without the added stress. I wish I could say I had a favorite, but between the Harmoni's and Blake's, all of them produce a special twinge in my heart.  I'm learning about each one of them, like how four-year-old Shayla likes to follow me after class and hates it when I leave and how bad little rascal Blake honestly needs someone to love him since his mom barely shows him mind. Kaila is the sweet goody two shoes who wants to be the best in the class while Wisteria is a little girl  who is way too shy to even mutter one little word. Kierra, one of the older ones, has anger problems along with Kylie. They are beautiful eight years olds who can't seem to let go of the little things while DeMaya simply wants to make it in life and make sure her friends are right by with her.  Nicolas makes me smile. Not only does he remind my of my own in my family, but he truly wants to be a good boy and follow all the rules. I only named nine students, but I wish I could tell you about all thirty. I love them all, but I will love you more.

There would be no one I could compare you, a little girl , my little girl, to as you would birth from my very womb made from the very genetic, spiritual, mental, social, physical things that make me me and him him.  I can't wait to hold you in my arms the way I want to hold little Lyrric or cradle Ashleigh.  I can't wait to show you unconditional love like the Father showed me and my parents portrayed. You will be the best thing I will have ever done in my life, because you, my sweet, will represent a holy, sacred union of love and purity. I'll soon have experiences with you that bring me the same joy and create a relationship that I will aim to be unbreakable. You will never have to doubt my love, carry anger for my ways, or feel unattached. I will know when to let go and when to grab on.

So to a little girl , my little baby girl, until then..

Love,
Stephanie

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just in case i forgot... |letter #48|

Dear Sisters Around Me,

I caught myself slipping lately, mentally, which started affecting the way I viewed and felt about certain things in my life. I was doubting myself, lost my confidence, and made excuses on why I didn't deserve  the things I wanted. I focused on everything I haven't done and neglected everything that brought me to this place. Essentially, I forgot where I came from and what my journey looked like getting here. 

How could I have done that? How could I have let myself become so negative about the person I was and accept to think that no one liked me? Why would I ever think these thoughts were okay? They are far from okay because 1) God's words don't claim that as truth and 2) my journey denies it. I have come a long way and I refuse to let anything let me feel less than qualified. 

Early on, I decided that I would not be ordinary, but I would work to become extraordinary. Back in high school, my family was proud of who I pushed myself to become. I challenged myself academically, stayed involved in developing my talents, was recognized for my excellence and adored for my spirit. I focused on what mattered, developing relationships that would prosper and building a future that would last. I started the first Black History Month event at my high school, danced in almost every production offered, and was nominated to represent my school for a city Pathfinder Award in English. I also was elected to be Student Ambassador Chair on campus and joined 2 honor societies. I was on the Principal's List every year since ninth grade and earned achievement awards in five subjects and then graduated high school with a 4.1 GPA and had passed 5 AP and 8 honor classes. I didn't want to be average, I wanted to be more. 

Thus, Spelman College, the #1 HBCU, was my choice. Not only did it fit what I was looking for, but I knew I was supposed to be there. My first semester I almost hit a 4.0 to set the tone of the rest of my college academics. I joined Stroll and Step teams and later continued other avenues of dance and performance. I put in work to accomplish my goals. I went out for Miss Alpha Lamda Delta and got second attendent but went out for Miss Kappa Alpha Psi and became queen. With my earned title, I held two campus events, one for Black History Month, in which I addressed issues within the Black community. I had my attendees of this event write positive messages on brown paper bags to symbolize turning something negative into something positive. I had the chance to display these bags on the board in Upper Manley for about a month after. I felt confidence in what I was trying to do.

At the end of my sophomore year, I wanted to help first years transition into Spelman by creating a book filled with quotes of advice and encouragement. I called it "From Spelmanites to You" and got over 75 Spelman students to participate in its creation. I was able to write about it in the Spelman newspaper last year and am still in the process of seeing my dream become reality. I care about adding to Spelman just like I care about my Haitian roots. My junior year, I started the first unofficial Haitian club called Klub Kreyol after the earthquake to help my Haitian Spelman sisters have a place to connect. Outside of Spelman, I will continue to serve my people as a volunteer through the medical mission trips to Haiti I do almost every summer.

I have been active along the years, but my work is not done as I am in the process of completing my senior thesis on colorism and my campus research in a preschool lab. I am now President of the Psi Chi International Honor Society, one of the five honor societies I have been inducted in. My goal is to get Phi Beta Kappa this year by continuing to excel in my major of psychology and later present my research at school fairs and conferences. I plan to graduate as magna cum laude from the honors program and with departmental honors on May 19, 2013. I hope to attend grad school and get a Dual Degree Master's in Mental Health Counseling and Behavioral Medicine and PhD in Counseling Psychology. I want to open my own private practice one day, write books, and become a role model for successful women. I desire to see all my dreams fulfilled and continue to allow God to make a way. I have confidence I can do it all. Sometimes, I forget He makes this happen for me and He should get this glory, not me. 

But aside for a story of what I've done, I can honestly say I think I am a good person. I genuinely care about people. I truly want to see others people happy and successful. I want people to be inspired by my words and my walk. I want to be able to help others reach their goals. I want to be a good friend, sister, and daughter. I want to bring sunshine to your life. I want be able to share God's blessings in my life. Yet, I get caught up in the little things and forget what I'm about to really be a motivating spirit to others. I've struggled with confidence and let things make me feel inferior. 

This by all means, it not a way to say why I'm the best; it's a reminder why I should love myself, never underestimate myself, continue to praise God. It's also an attempt to share that if you were feeling like me, you need to go ahead and write about yourself too. I can be shy, so I won't share my dreams with others and build the support I need. But I'm learning to be more effective and expressive; this was just my first step.

Love,

Stephanie

If you enjoyed this passage, please click the highlighted links throughout the work to learn about my business to read more, click on the Empower Network page to watch my personal video, orclick here!