plain old short facts... |letter #25|

Dear Me, 

Real girls aren't perfect and perfect girls aren't real.


As confident as I strive to be, I still have weaknesses, insecurities, and doubts. As deadly as it is, as a female, I will still subconsciously compare myself to another female.  The first step is admitting it because denial is just as stifling.  But the second step is reminding myself how amazing and unique I really am.  In the end, there will always be someone who will be better at something than I am.  There will always be someone who is smarter, prettier, wiser, and even a better writer.  That is simply realistic.  However, never should I think that that makes me any less than how talented I am.  As cliche as it sounds, no one else in this world is composed of my internal makeup. These thoughts are often triggered by my insatiable desire to be close to perfect at everything that I do.


But like I said before, real girls aren't perfect and perfect girls aren't real. 

Love, 

Stephanie

Courtesy of We Heart It

i met you in the men's restroom... |letter #24|

Dear My Future Husband,

Tell me, what did you think of me the moment you first laid eyes on me?  Outside of my physical appearance, did you take me as someone who was incredibly shy?  Hopefully, if I have not met you already I will have outgrown that stage of my personality by then. Or, did you believe I was a nerd?  Most likely, you may have thought I was mysterious as I tend to be very quiet about what nuisances go on in my brain in the beginning.  Also, you can tell me if what you thought of me was negative because I have undoubtedly changed your first impression being that I am now your wife.  Lest, hopefully I pray I passed the first test. 

Most importantly, how in the world did we meet?  (This is more fun if I still don't know you by the way). So tell me, was I the girl you walked past in grocery store and hopefully made you do a double take down the aisle or did you first see me seated in the window seat next to yours on the plane peacefully reading a long novel?  More to my enjoyment, did I accidentally hit you with my car when I was backing out of my driveway as you did your morning jog? Or, did I crash into you as I ran across the platform to catch the last minute subway?

To be honest, I always imagined meeting you in some outrageously accidental way similar to to stories of my fantasy characters I created as a young girl.  For an example, Ava, a long lost princess, mets her Mr. Right when she irrationally dresses like a boy (long story that I hope I told you already) and collides into him running into the men's restroom while he was exiting.  This is not to say that I will be encountering you in a men's restroom (I'm not that desperate), but let's just say I've always wanted it to be something I would never forget. 

Love,

Stephanie

Courtesy of We Heart It

it's not that complicated... |letter #23|

Dear Long-Lost-Love, 

I thought about you today, even though I didn't want to.  I couldn't help but think how much I miss you.  I can't seem to get away from the fact that still, no one ever makes me feel the way you make me feel.  I try so hard to let you go, but honestly, I really love you.  Don't get hard-headed.  Let me make this clear.  I am currently diagnosed with heartache with symptoms including weakness, vulnerability, irrationality, and frustration.  Therefore, don't think that this is step up on your ladder to hear the girl who needs to neglect you for several months at a time confess that inside it kills her not to be with you.

Courtesy of sleepyjeanie

Courtesy jessica.garro

Quite frankly, I'm just being honest. I would do anything to wrap hands once again and feel the electric sensation of our touch.  How I miss those nights where we would fall asleep to the sound of each other's voices.  I miss our in depth conversations about everything and nothing and the shy innocent way you turn peach when you blush.  I wish I could take you away to my own world where we would simply be.  I wish I was back living in your familiar embrace and existing in the terrains of your mind. I miss how scary I felt connected to your soul.  It scares me that I still feel that way.  More so, it scares me that I won't be able to feel this funny way and find this unexplainable connection between us with someone else one day.

Courtesy of akshay moon

Courtesy of Jane Rahman

You make me so mad because I wish you never complicated things. You should have never seduced me into your intellect and invaded my space in the first place.  I was perfectly happy living alone in my brain.  Weakness is the worst part of this disease.  It makes me feel like I would do anything for you. It strips from me all my womanly powers.  Don't get excited because I'll recover from it eventually.  I just wish you would do things my way just for once.  It would make my life just a little bit easier.  I wouldn't have to pretend like I didn't love you.

Courtesy of ajari 

Love,

Stephanie 

love my way #2... |letter #22|

Dear Me,

Today, after spending the majority of the day shopping at an antique furniture store with my mother, I realized two things. Number one, I have a keen eye for elegant interior designing and number two, my mother and I make an excellent team when it comes to making decisions.  

It's been a while since my mom and I really had a mother-daughter date in which we would spend the entire day doing things together.  Not once has that happened since I came home this summer.  I missed her. It's not the same to see her come home every night after a long day of work compared to spending a carefree morning and afternoon with her.  I remember why I could talk to her and how easily I can make her laugh.  I forgot how much she really needs me in making the dire decisions on the look of our sweet home. Thank goodness we left that couch.

Today, my special moments were illustrated by my mom. Wise words of the day: Sometimes, mothers really do know best.



Love,
Stephanie


Courtesy of pennyspitter 

like father, like husband...|letter #21|

Dear My Future Husband, 

After browsing through my Facebook page, I stopped at a status that said that the father-daughter relationship directly impacts the interactions with a daughter's romantic partners.  I thought about it.  For the past several years, although plenty of guys have crushed on me relentlessly, the chosen few that I admired back have been unsuccessful attempts at a good relationship.  Thus I had to question myself. Has my unlucky efforts at a relationship been because of the guy's flaws or my somewhat imperfect father-daughter relationship? 

Courtesy of apdk 

 The issue with man #1 was that we were young and he wasn't ready to be with someone he can see himself with for a long time.  Man #2 I messed up on by letting him go when he was ready and willing. Man #3 I actually dated (unless you don't consider two weeks to be a relationship).  His issue was that he kept forgetting he actually had a girlfriend in the first place.  My father? He's the best dad a girl could ask for. However, do I have the type of relationship where I can actually talk to and share my thoughts, feelings, and emotions with him? Unfortunately no.  As much as I love my father, I am not emotionally and mentally connected to him.  I can never say I have one of those father-daughter talks/dates.  To be honest, it hurts. 

Courtesy of bfhoyt

I can't say who's fault it is but both of us.  At the same time, a deep immature part of me can't help but blame him.  Essentially, it all stems from his longs hours spent at work and his short ones spent home.  Working was his way of providing the very best for us and although I will never be ungrateful, I wondered why the nights he came home he never asked me how my day went.  I wondered when he would bother me about the boys in my life and tell me he was going to beat up anyone who broke my heart.  Sometimes, I felt like he didn't want to know anything, so I didn't want to tell him.  I can't change the fact that my dad is introverted and keeps his thoughts to himself, but I can change the way I interact with him.  Now that I am older, I gained a desire to change the dynamics of our relationship and form it into the one I also dreamed.  I realized that I have to be the one to make all the initial efforts and I am willing and ready to do that. 

But has my emotionally unstable relationship with my father determined the fate of my romantic relationships now? Honestly, I don't know.  I pray that by the time we are together in the future, both my relationships with you and my father would be secure.  I don't want to be with you unless the relationship more important than this is right.  Even more so, not before my relationship with my Heavenly Father is right too.  I would hate to think that my failed attempts at relationships have been because my relationship with my dad has been slacking.  It's sad to think that maybe the reason I want a relationship so bad is because of the one lacking with my father.  Understanding that is the first step, and with the knowledge comes growth and change. 

Love,

Stephanie

love my way #1 .... |letter #20|

Dear Me,

Just to introduce the topic of this subsection, "Love My Way" will be daily love letters to myself.  Here I will share positive thoughts and experiences despite my circumstances. I will also state one thing that was special about the day. In my quest to both find and enhance myself, I feel I must also shower myself with love and appreciation.  I need to give myself a reason to smile each passing day and remind myself why life is amazingly beautiful.  By being the primary source of encouragement, I will conquer some of the negative and insecure perceptions I hold and be able to alter my eyes on new sights. Most importantly, it is the most direct way I can fight my biggest enemy: me. In the end, besides God, who can love me better than myself? 

Courtesy of Childrens Book Review

Today, I saw the pure love of a good man for his family.  As he recounted the stories of his loved ones, his eyes glistened, his lips curled, his voice hearty, and his shoulders were passionate.  Instead of seeing a boy I had grown up with academically for the last seven years, I saw a man carrying the capacity to love not only his entire family but his future one some day.

Wise words of the day: Love between family members can transform us all.

Love,
Stephanie