you must not know about me... |letter #84|

Dear My Future Husband, 

You must know about me.  You must have been able to match the cost of my value.  You must have recognized the high price I am worth and pulled out your all of your investments to be able to afford all that is me.  You are a blessed man indeed.  You were the special one God equipped to righteously earn my royal blood.  Does this make me cocky?  On the contrary, I am only Biblically confident.  I am beginning to fully assume my esteemed worth as Christian woman.  I am the daughter of a great King.  I need not settle for jesters or jokers who can't even afford half of what I cost.  But you could.  You are equally mine. 

 Does it make me any less lovable because those who came before you didn't want me for long?  Have I lost my value because I "wasn't enough" for them?  If I believed these lies, I question how far I would be or how behind I would be.  It's too easy to equate my worth with the actions of a man.  If he doesn't want to be with me, I must be missing something.  If he's still talking to other girls, I must not "badd" enough.  I am certainly not "it" if he cannot commit.  How foolish?  Who I was as a woman paralleled the limited perspectives of the men who viewed me.  My temporary "boos" determined whether or not I was "wifey material".  They alone decided if I made the cut.  I fell for all of it.  I believed it secretly.

And yet, I was almost caught in this sickening mindset once again.  Thinking negatively about an ex and convincing myself that I wasn't good enough will often lead me to these brash conclusions. Until God stepped in and reminded me WHOSE I was and WHO I was.  Simply because several men were too silly to keep me or smart enough to let me go does not mean I am deformed, inadequate, or bland.  My essence does not depend on the opinions of men but on the one opinion of Him who matters. 

Can I say I am perfect? Absolutely not. I know I had several insecurities when dating.  I am very well aware of the part I played in the downfall of my relationships.  My biggest mistake yet was gaining those insecurities by relying on the perceptions of men in order to define who I was. Sometimes, their actions towards me only reflected the low worth I was assuming for myself. How can I blame them? I was not perfect at all. Yet, I can say that my imperfections are now made righteous with Jesus Christ, my Savior.  He alone can complete me and He alone can say all that I am. 

Therefore, may I just remind you, man of God, how incredibly fortunate you are?  May I simply applaud your matching caliber?  You are my perfect match, not by your own doings but because of God's work in you.  You were the one who I was meant for all along.  You will be the one who will get ALL that I've been working with, with no restraints. I am a fine woman of God! The fruits of the Spirit surge passionately between my bones. I am not missing one good thing for Jesus Christ lives in me.  He shapes me to be all woman I can be. I am all that you have dreamt of.  I am what you never thought existed. What blessing it is for you to receive me? 

He has called you mine and I am now yours.  Finally, a man who was willing to meet God's standards and acquire me. You were very well worth the wait. 

Love,

Stephanie

love don't cost a thing... |letter #83|

Dear Unlovely, 

I don't even have much to say, except listen to what was just spoken into my spirit. 

November 7, 2013

Daughter, I love you.  It doesn't matter what you think, how you feel or what you look like.  I love you no matter what.  So regardless of what goes on in your head, come to me knowing that I love you.  Walk in the love that My Son died to break barriers of access to.  Walk in the love I freely give and the shower you in.  When you worship Me, know that I love you.  Don't try to win My heart back.  It's already yours.  Sometimes you feel me and other times you don't.  It doesn't break your faith.  I am always here but more importantly, you are covered with My blood and love.  You can't escape it so don't act like you have to earn something that is already yours.  I love you daughter and it's different than a feeling.  It's a choice. 

Stay with my daughter.  Don't be so quick to leave.  You've desired this moment for so long; you've felt like it been lacking.  Allow Me to just a moment shower you with My everlasting and abundant love.  You are like a lost puppy trying to find the right way when I am guiding you on your leash already.  But you're great than that.  I made you into My image.  You are more important to Me than anything in this world.  I cherish this relationship we have together because it special.  I look forward to talking to you when you wake up and communing with you until the end.  I love you. I love spending time with you.  I love being with you, wonderful daughter. 

When you mess up sometimes, I don't ever look at you in the wrong way.  I cover you with My grace to last a lifetime.  When you don't get things right, I cradle and nurse you back on My path.  I never look down at you.  I never tell you you aren't good enough.  I never beat you up for it.  I nurse you back to My ways in a loving, gentle and non-condemning matter.  If I am God and treat you like this when things are chaotic, won't you treat yourself the same?  Won't you also love yourself enough to model the love I show to you to yourself when things go wrong?  Won't you be gentle, forgiving and kind to yourself as I have been with you?  

It is not I who stands in the way of our path and exploration of the true identity.  It is you daughter.  Sometimes you hate yourself so much you become the reason why we never go anywhere.  Your self-criticize and self-harm become the reason why we stay in the same place.  You are constantly unsatisfied with the women I made you to be because you blame yourself for all that you didn't get right and all that you don't appear to be.  I don't even blame you for such things.  Do you know who I, Lord of the Universe, blame?  My son Jesus. He got all the penalty for every mistake you ever made, are making now and will ever make.  My Son Jesus got the price for your sins.  But do not be discouraged, everyone sinned and fell short, not just you.  Be in rejoice because My Son lives.  He is alive and healthy and withstood the weight of the world including yours.  

So where is the bad news here?  All of your shortcomings were taken away from you, My Son sits at My right hand healthy and alive, and how I look at you with love.  I don't even see your sin anyway.  I only see the beautiful creation I created who became new because of the blood of Christ.  Look at all that has happened because of Jesus and My love for you.  Look at how free you are from your self-blame.  So why do you think its okay to beat yourself up?  The price for your mistake was already paid way before you were even born!  Jesus died so you can live this life free! 

You are free daughter so remove those chains telling you that you should have never messed up and that you should have it altogether in your own strength.  Daughter, you can do nothing without Me!  I brought you where you stand.  I keep you standing today.  So daughter, love yourself.  We died so that you can be loved and treasured despite your flaws.  Baby, your flaws don't even exist in My eyes anymore.  I only see the perfection of Jesus Christ My Son. 

So if I'm happy, Jesus is happy and the good news has freed you, why are you so unhappy and live in self-defeating guilt and shame?  Why don't you love yourself as I love you?  One day you will get it, but for now, just come to me.  I'm waiting.  

Love,

Your Father

This was all I needed... 

Love,

Stephanie